Never teh Bride vs. The Beard
The events that precipitated the creation of this journal are simple. Two back to back weddings and two nuptual announcements that surfaced within weeks of each other. A couple, engaged over the long term, refusing to set a wedding date, finally break down and choose a fall affair. Another couple, after dating for four years, announce their engagement and ballpark wedding date. Okay, so the latter two couples have dated and known each other for longer than I have been with The Beard. So? Years ago, I watched two of my friends walk down the aisle. Yes, one of them was pregnant, but she had gotten engaged before getting pregnant. Or so I was told. Dun dun dunnnn.
But I'm rambling.
The Beard and I have been dating for three years now. We live together, quite blissfully, I think. My desire to be married is not something I can readily discuss with my friends, who are mainly the sort who'd rather not settle down. Ever. They want permanent roommates...and someone they can no doubt dump at a moment's notice when the relationship becomes unfabulous enough. Marriage is fast becoming an old fashioned concept, ripe for taunts from young people who look at the statistics and think, Divorce is the norm...I best avoid that. Because, goodness, we wouldn't want to put ourselves out with any hard work, would we? Yes, being married is hard work, if only because you're more inclined to want to make it work because of the difficulty of divvying up shared assets. Unless, of course, you're famous, and then it's de rigeur to marry five to ten times.
I like the potential benefits of marriage. A recognized connection in times of trouble, i.e. hospital and police related incidents. Financial intracacies that involve two instead of one. Shared possessions - and big ones, too, like homes. Taking on a new last name and becoming a family of two. A recognizable and public partnership.
As for that last one, I hear a lot of people screaming these days about how relationships are private affairs and don't need to be recognized by some state or some god. But hey, people, many people at least, are exhibitionists by nature. If that wasn't true we wouldn't have artists or musicians or even teachers, for goodness sake.
The Beard doesn't know what he wants, I think. I don't like to push the idea of marriage too much, lest he think I'm some kind of freaky traditionalist who wants to push him into buying the cow. But, heck, he knows I'm traditional. I'm a feminist, insofar as I believe in equal opportunity for those who have the aptitude for it, be they man or woman or some combination of the two. But I also believe in nice, stable partnerships based on marriage (for the straights and the gays, damnit) and having a few kids when you're still young enough to enjoy it and struggling along. Sure, I believe in careers - I even have one! But I believe that there are a number of roads to fulfillment.
There I go, rambling again. Too bad. I'm a woman in waiting. You hear that, Beard? I'm going to get you eventually!