7.12.2005

Much ado about under the shirt


Never teh Bride has got breasts. Okay, maybe they really are boobs. Breasts speak to me of this very creamy white perky sort of bump that happens to hang out in pairs under shirts. Before I talk about this little number (I'm talking about the dress, hello), let me point you to a Joan Rivers quote:

"Cleavage has nothing to do with fashion, because fashion is designed by men who are flat-chested. And every woman that looks good in fashion has as little breasts as possible."

Oh, Joan, how true. Let little miss hair-in-her-eye be our example. That is what I'd call a "fashionable dress." It could be on a runway somewhere, perhaps on a model sporting garish eyeshadow and a uniquely crimped hairdo. I don't like fashionable dresses at weddings, even though I LOVE them in every other situation.


A wedding dress ought to be classy and, furthermore, classical. An empire waistline for the waifs and something strapless and princessy for the rest of us...i.e. those with cleavage. People with BOOBS like mine simply cannot stuff themselves into something like the dress above without spilling out or looking like a four-breasted monstrosity. Oh, how I hate that. I detest seeing poor, innocent women walking around in too-tight tops with what appears to be four breasts. Honey, get a bra that fits.

But back to the dress. It looks, frankly, like a nighty. Like something meant to be underneath the real dress. Look at the determined expression on the model. She is clearly on her way to the room in which she will put on her real dress.

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